And I suppose it is really nice to not plague lazy late Sunday afternoon daydreams with thoughts of early morning Mondays.
Since I am living on so-called benefits, then it is time I treat them as such.
I've had a lot of time off lately. Lots of people would envy me that, so I've been trying to do something worthy of that envy. I'm not water skiing or sleeping in tree houses or making homemade spaghetti sauce from homegrown tomatoes or watching the sun sink into an azure sea because this is November in Indiana.
My first thought was to fly the coop and go somewhere Envy-worthy. New York. Nashville. Key West. Been there, been there, been there. I don't feel like running away. This is such an unusual state of mind for me that I feel I must act on it by not running away. Maybe after Thanksgiving I'll run away.
I spend my mornings looking for work. I usually apply for jobs that are just a step above my experience. I suppose this is futile and that sooner or later I will have to start looking for jobs just a step under my experience. It's a depressing job market. I'd rather not talk about it right now.
But I'm holding my own. I'm fighting it off, the temptation to give in to depression, to throw up my hands and curl up and pretend that none of this is happening. When I was laid off during the first part of the summer, I threw myself into home and yard projects and exploring Indy, which brought me unexpected joys.
I spent last weekend doing fall clean up in my yard. I mowed my grass for the last time, trimmed all hedges, and mulched all the beautiful flowers I planted this summer. The work was exhausting and satisfying, the cool air exhilarating, my bed extra comfortable that evening. The virtues of hard work for one's self are innumerable.
The trees have shed the last of their leaves, and I realize that I have some shedding to do myself.
Now I'm focusing on my house and purging. I've cleaned out several closets and my study. I've filled bags and boxes for the trash, recycling, and Goodwill. I'm going to clean every drawer, closet, and room.
I also received what I consider an honor: IndyFringe asked me if I would participate in the festival this year since it's the ten-year anniversary, and I quote, "It wouldn't feel right without you since you've been there from the beginning." The truth is, it made me cry. In a good way.
I thought writing was behind me. I thought my words were used up and my confidence was forever compromised by the harsh words of local critics.
I am writing a new play! It's called "Rollercoaster," and it will be part of the 2014 IndyFringe Festival. It's a series of vignettes of several characters exploring different kinds of love. I can't think of a more simple premise, and maybe that's a reflection of where I want to be with my life.
For so many years I had depression and pain to draw from, and they brought out so much beauty and emotion. I find it much harder to write when I'm happy. Happy is superficial in it's own way. Or maybe it's not. Maybe I haven't explored happy and given it its due the way I have with Sad. Happy could be a new journey for me. How have I not pondered this before?
A part of me thinks I need to go a mountain yurt or cabin in the woods to do my writing, just like my favorite singers and writers do. The other part of me thinks I need to be able Write in Place.
We've been doing some local travel to state parks. We've been to Mounds, Raccoon Lake, Shades, Turkey Run, McCormick's Creek, Cataract Falls, and Brown County. We pack a cooler of sandwiches, fruit, and beer, and off we go for several-hour hikes. Indiana is not blessed with any particular outstanding or unusual beauty, and I've been pretty spoiled in my travels. You have to lower your expectations in Indiana. Wow, we should put that on our license plates!
I am gaining some valuable experience in the realm of learning to appreciate what you have. As skills go, it's a pretty good one to have.
Turkey Run and Shades are our favorites. They both have green canyons that are really fun to hike and are quite beautiful. Larry and I have decided to visit them in every season.
We are a few weeks past prime colors of autumn, and that adds another tier of difficulty to finding the beauty. Sometimes I have to close my eyes to find it. I'm finding I feel more with my eyes closed. I'm finding that it feels pretty good to be doing the best that I can.
I've found that brown leaves make better sounds when you step on them than orange leaves, and that brown leaves attract a lot fewer people. We are often alone in these huge unspoiled expanses. The air is perhaps a bit too cold, but it makes us huddle closer. Somehow, the woods always transport me. I feel closer to my true happiness among trees.
I still want to make a go of it here in Indy. I still want to do things with my yard in the spring and have a garden and call this place home. I have an artistic project for my yard. I've never built anything myself and I want to try. I can't wait to post pictures when I'm done. I think it will my Place totally unique! I want my back yard to be a room of its own with lots of structure and focal points and to be a long-term work in progress.
Something like this:
I've been renting out the guest room in my house to travelers, running a sort of boarding house. I'm getting more and more guests now. I'm currently hosting a musician who is a keyboardist for the Broadway tour of Wicked. He'll be with me for three weeks, and his rent is paying my mortgage for two months. I also have an ethnomusicologist staying with me for three days. I'm sleeping on air mattress. I'm thinking of amping up the hospitality angle by offering meals and tours. This is really good for me because it forces me to keep the house clean, and I get to meet travelers and live out a fascination of running a boarding house. It harkens back to the old days of a sharing economy, and it's exciting to be on the leading edge of a movement.
We went to see Wicked this week. We won the lottery! I saw it at Pantages in Hollywood in '07, and won the lottery that time too. I truly love this masterpiece. From the characters to the story to the message to the spectacle of the costumes, it is in every sense of the word spectacular.
What I'm reading:
Into Thin Air by John Krakaeur
*****
What I recently watched:
When You're Strange a documentary about the Doors
*****
What I'm jamming:
The Naked and Famous:
What I'm Digging:
Andrea Gibson:
Where I've been:
Turkey Run
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